Return to Philly!

Well folks, I am back in good ole' West Philadelphia. [feel free to bust out in Fresh Prince of Bel-Air.]
We have dove right in to lots of reading, writing, list-making, rearranging, cleaning, fellowshipping, eating, etc.
It is so good to be back, and I'm so looking forward to what God has in store over the next several months that I will be here and just trying to be a light in this city as I learn more about myself, those around me, the city of Philadelphia, and how God is intertwined in all of it.
I was looking through some old journal entries/prayers when I found one from almost exactly a year ago. It really got me thinking, so I thought I might share it with you and some of the thoughts that followed after rediscovering it.

October 1, 2010
God,
I find out today if I get the position in Chicago. I'm really nervous and I really hope that I get it. If I'm being honest, I'm scared I'm not going to...and God, I want it so bad. I know that if I don't get it that it just means that's not where You need me right now...I just really hope that is where You want me, ya know? I'm trying really hard to be patient because I know You have a plan for me. It's just hard not knowing what it is and relying on You and completely walking by faith. So, I'm praying that when they call that they ask me to come work with them in Chicago, but I'm also praying that if they don't, that I will be at peace with it and that I will continue my search...OUR search. I love you God. Talk to You soon.

It's so insane to me that it was only a year ago that I got a call from Chicago letting me know that they had hired someone else for the fall host position. I'm not sure if it seems like it's been longer or shorter than that. But I remember so clearly how nice Tim was on the phone. How confused I was after and how my emotions were all over the place. I remember going to my sister's that afternoon and going to a corn maze with her and my older nephew that night. Winding through paths on a dark chilly night, finding the way through that maze felt like everything in my head. I didn't know where God was leading me, where He was calling me to, but I knew I had to keep walking. Searching. Praying. Loving. And just letting Him guide me. I knew it wasn't easy, but I also knew that the harder things often taught me the most. Maybe God didn't want me to go off somewhere to do mission work after all. Maybe He was calling me to do something in my own backyard. I had absolutely no idea. But I kept searching.

It wasn't too long after that that I went up to Chicago for a site visit while reapplying for a spring host position up there. Then Philly contacted me, and well...here we are! I've lived up here six months and God just keeps on presenting amazing, life-changing experiences. I honestly don't know how to thank God enough for how much of a blessing all of this has been in my life. Even that day just over a year ago, when I received what felt like my 1000th "no." God was saying "yes" all along. He was loving me and guiding me. And looking back, that all seems so clear. It's encouraging. It's encouraging because there are a lot of times when living a life faithful to God just seems so hard, when I have no idea what is going on and I'm just like "Uh....so what am I doing?" But really, it's not me doing much of anything at all. It's God doing things through me. And man, am I glad He is using me.
It's encouraging to see how far I've come. To see the fruits of God's labor in myself. Does that make sense? I don't know. I'm not quite sure how to describe it.

Today was a beautiful day. A day where I saw God many places in this city that I now call home. In people giving us their parking meter ticket thing to put in our car when it still had an hour left on it, in playing tag with neighborhood kids, in Malian food, in conversation, in arranging things, in the faces of strangers, in the moon, in the busy-ness.
Tomorrow will be beautiful, too.

Much love from West Philly.
Good night.