Tuesday, March 16, 2010

Camp, Cleaning, Palindromes...Oh my!

Welll...life is just all sorts of crazy.
Crazy good. Crazy complicated.
Finally sent in my application for camp.
And I got a job. :) Well, a kind of job.
I'm cleaning a house. Today was my first day. I hope I did okay. :/
It's for a family that I go to church with. It just kind of happened.
I haven't heard back from her tonight, and she said that that would be a good thing. Haha. Sooo...guess I'll see tomorrow night at church?
God keeps providing in the most mysterious ways.
I like Mountain Dew Voltage.
I also like palindromes.
Well, that's all I've got. Just thought I'd write a little bit. :)
Hope that you are well. Love!

Saturday, March 6, 2010

Potter's hands.

We are the clay, and You our potter. [Isaiah 64:8]

This has been going through my head over and over again the last few weeks. Maybe longer.

It's so true. God is the potter. And we're the clay. But...God can't mold us, shape us into what He would have us to be if we won't let Him. Because we're stubborn clay. We dry out too easily. Good thing God can work out the kinks in us.

I think I've been wondering a lot lately about who I am. Who Emily is. I feel like I've changed a lot. And some of the changes are good, but some of them...I'm not real fond of. I guess I just wonder if there's a definition of who I am. I don't really know how to explain it.

So, my plan to do mission work hasn't really worked out. Which is fine, I feel like it's for a reason. I feel like it just isn't God's plan yet. YET. I still feel called. I still have a strong desire to go out into the world and help. To spread God's light for the whole world to see. And it'll happen. Just not yet. And at first, I'm not going to lie, I was really discouraged and sad and angry and disappointed and confused and lost.
Then I started looking at it differently. Like I'm looking at it now.
One of the reasons I think it didn't work out is camp. Before last summer even ended I knew I wanted to reapply. However, when I started getting more and more serious about mission work, I felt like reapplying was going to be doing something I wanted and not necessarily something that God wanted me to do. Something He was calling me to do. And I really want to do whatever is God's plan. I don't want to put my "wants" before Him. So I was afraid that I was going to let my desire to be back at camp get in the way of doing mission work more longterm. But then I realized....I wouldn't have such a strong desire if it wasn't for a reason. A good one. And me and God talked about it. So...I think the mission work not working out might have been His way of letting me know it really is okay to reapply.

It seems so weird that a year has gone by. I feel like I was just applying for staff of 09. Nervous beyond all belief. The tears of happiness when I found out I'd been hired. The best summer of my life that followed. The "chosen" family. Ahhhhhhhhhhh. Amazingness. God-fueled amazingness. There just aren't words for the things I learned last summer. The growth that happened.

So, where am I now? I'm trying to find a job. A task proved to be difficult. That's okay...God keeps providing.
Me and God talk a lot lately. I'm glad. About a year ago I felt like I couldn't pray. In any way. I eventually started writing God "letters" and those were my prayers...and just recently I've started praying out loud. Even in front of people. I'm feeling more confident in it. I'm sooo glad.

Well...that's all I've got for now. I'll write later. I hope this finds you well.
Love.

Fresh.

Decided to delete all of my blog entries and start fresh. Not that "all" was a lot...a wopping three, and two drafts.
So, here's to fresh starts.
I'll write more in another entry.
Toodles.